Saturday, November 10, 2007

Ripple Effect

Still feeling the ripple effect of all that took place while hubby was TDY. He has long talked about forgiveness, and the importance of it, but to me, it always felt more like head knowledge than heart knowledge. Okay, I might as well say it, I felt like his forgiveness was for everybody EXCEPT me (note I'm talking about hubby's forgiveness of me, not God's).

Well, that has changed. I keep telling hubby that he just seems softer now.....and not in a wimpy, unmanly way; believe me, this guy is a man's man!.....but there's something tender in him now. He has feelings, a whole spectrum of feelings. Yes, he still gets mad about stuff, but he also gets over it and you KNOW he's gotten over it.

I did not do well at all with our finances while DH was gone. I am so disappointed and ashamed, but that's water under the bridge, nothing I can do to change that now. I didn't tell hubby about the struggles as I wanted him to not have to be worrying and trying to fix things while in a war zone. So I've had to face the music now that he's home. He has seen all the mess ups, he's gotten upset about it (rightly so!), and then he's said that it will be okay, we will manage. A lot of his plans and dreams got pushed back because of my mistakes, but he's moving on. I am thankful beyond words!!! And he never really said the words, "I forgive you." I used to wish that he would say that sometimes, but now I realize it's not the words, it's the heart. He's forgiven me, that stuff is past us now. I simply stand here awed and amazed and humbled!

What could have changed that? God. And how did it happen? God pulled out all the hidden hurts and pains in hubby's heart, and they dealt with them. God helped DH experience and acknowledge those feelings. And because DH was doing that, God was able to work that in my life as well. It is amazing! One little pebble dropped in a pond, and the ripples are amazing!! Makes "open heart surgery" (in God's hands) all worth it!!

Praising Him more and more every day of this rollercoaster ride!!!

2 comments:

Jan Parrish said...

Amy -

Awesome post. That's a whole lot to handle while hubby's in a war zone. I think I would have been overwhelmed.
Thanks for keeping it real and sharing from your heart.

Blessings.

Amy J said...

Jan,
Have you gone further back in this blog and found this post ( http://handmaidensheart.blogspot.com/2007/05/peek-at-miracle.html )? It's one of my favorite parts of this miracle we're living out. :)
Thanks for reading!!