God has me learning about waiting. I thought I had this lesson down. I thought that 14 years of waiting for my husband to truly trust me with his heart had taught me about waiting. However, in this waiting, other people are involved, people are hurting and the right thing to do is to do nothing, to trust God and wait on His timing. Whew!! And I'm not a mean person, but a little dig here and there can't be bad, can it? It can if it means that you're not quietly waiting and trusting God in all of it. I was VERY angry with someone, hurt by their actions and angry that they weren't realizing how many people their actions are affecting. I kept scheming little things to do to make that person "wake up and smell the coffee". Well, then God showed me truly what MY behavior/thoughts were like according to kingdom ways. By being so angry, by wanting revenge, by not being able to forgive and pray....I was the one suffering. By behaving in this way, carrying this load, I was basically saying that the cross of Christ was indeed enough for my sin, but that there was a limit to the cross, to the saving blood of Jesus. I assumed that because the attacks continued that this person was unforgiveable and not worth praying for! By not being content in God's timing of things, by trying to take matters into my own hands, I was proving my level of trust. Ouch!!
Read this story in John 8:3-7:
3And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst,
4They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.
5Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?
6This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not.
7So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.
Oh Lord!! What have I done? Where have I come to? Father! Forgive me!! Abba, lift me back to my feet, lift my dear sister in Christ back to her feet, set our feet upon Your path of righteousness. Father, forgive my pride, forgive my unforgiveness, my lack of trust, lack of mercy and grace. Thank You Abba that you are ever faithful even when we are not, thank You that no sin is too great for You to forgive. Abba, help us, your children to keep our eyes on kingdom things rather than the things of this earth.