Sunday, September 20, 2009
I realize I haven't posted here in a bit. A lot has happened this summer and I am dealing with a seed of bitterness that has been planted in me. I feel as if I have been left out in the cold with nowhere to turn and at the same time I am afraid to turn anywhere and deal with stuff like this all over again. I thought I could easily forgive and forget, I really think I've forgiven, but at the same time, I'm angry for being abandoned. I trust God, but it's just some of His people that I don't trust, and that's where the seed got planted. I'm feeling ineffective in my ministry here because I am not fellowshipping with other believers, and I'm hiding my heart so I don't get hurt again like this. BUT I'm the person people look up to when they're struggling and so I still try to keep a smile on my face and a positive attitude, but inside I sometimes think I'm starving to death. And I know the bitterness is at the root of this lost feeling, but ...... I dunno, so there you have it, why I've been rather quiet lately.