Monday, July 11, 2011

so, where were we?

Some of you may not know that I have PMDD (basically, severe PMS) which shows up in depression, irrational anger, and craziness like that.  I take meds for it which kind of helps, but then, I still have a few days each month where I'm in "the pit of despair" and everywhere I look, life looks gray and hopeless.  Being a Christian, I KNOW it's not hopeless, and I know that this feeling will pass, but at the same time, it is SO overwhelming that it becomes my "reality" for a time.  Couple that with my quirky personality (seriously, I have tried to be serious, and it just isn't me), and we can have some interesting conversations....that is when I'm not hiding from the world.  But this last time around, when I was sitting at the bottom of that deep dark well, all by myself, and not wanting anyone to find me there, God reached His hand down into that slimey, stinky hole and just held me.  I was SO "unholdable" (is that a word?  well it is now!)  You know when a little kid doesn't want to be held, they're all squirmy and at the same time trying to pretend that you're not there and that they don't care....yeah, that kind of unholdable.  And you know you are truly loved when you get held anyway, even with all the squirming and stoicism.  And He sent friends to encourage me in the climb out of that pit, to let me know that they did notice I was MIA, and that I do make a difference, and life isn't always that gray cloud.  Whew!  Seriously, I cannot imagine living without knowing that GOD IS FOR ME!!  SO WHO CAN STAND AGAINST ME? (not even myself can be against me!)

3 comments:

Plum said...

Hi! Following from Cafemom! Hope you'll check out my blog, too! http://13plumconfessions.blogspot.com

Bethany said...

Hi! I'm also following from cafemom. Looking forward to reading more of your posts!

B said...

Love ya!! I was thinking about you yesterday.