The time of Hubby's deployment is drawing closer. I knew that. Yeah, I knew that......
Yesterday he came home from work while I was in the kitchen making dinner. Kids were splayed all over the livingroom doing different things. I heard Hubby come in and go out a couple of times and heard exclamations of awe from the kids. I peeked around the corner as Big D exclaimed, "Wow Dad! Those are just like mine!" He was referring to the 2 new pairs of desert boots Hubby had plopped on the floor....next to a mountain of military issue desert gear. The kids thought it was "really cool".....me? my heart flipped a bit as I backed into the kitchen again to continue dinner. But I couldn't help but smile too, at the kids AND G's excitement over "all this new stuff", as if it were neat toys....rather than items we hope will keep him safe from the enemy.
Later, Little D (who is suffering another ear infection) and I were laying in my bed watching Bob The Builder. I had the lights off (hoping he'd crash). Hubby kept popping in with some cool new piece of equipment to show me. Struttin' his stuff, trying to look so tough. After the third time, I realize just how excited he really is, so I got up and went out into the other room to "check things out". Do I really want to think about all this? No. Does G want me to be part of this with him? Yes. And so I check out all this cool stuff, exclaiming over his handsomeness in his "boonie hat", marveling at his buff looks with his "camel pack" on, laughing with him at his obvious excitement over glasses (they gave the man new sunglasses!! And yes, they are pretty cool), and teasing him about the goofy "eight cornered soft cap" (marine style).
Am I crazy? Shouldn't I be in a corner crying, refusing to be anything other than upset over this whole thing? And what, exactly, would that bring - other than misery - to both of us? I laid in bed last night thinking, "I know I don't need to worry, but surely it's okay to worry about things like this." But thinking that through, it's not. There's NEVER a good reason to worry. God's got it. Why worry that G won't make it back? Will that cause him to make it back? No. But I can pray about it, entrusting him fully to our Father's care (where I know he is already). That's all I can do or even need to do. So, since I don't have to worry, surely I can take this time with my dear hubby and join in his excitement, show him my everlasting support and love wherever he goes.
He has a ton of equipment and I just can't imagine how he'll move with all that on... the armor, the equipment belt, the backpack, not to mention weapons, aid bags....the list could go on. Lots of stuff. So, to keep his load light, I'll do my part and not add guilt, fear, worry, or what have you, to his burdens.
Thank you Abba, for my faithful, strong hubby. Thank you that he is a hardworking man of integrity. Father, You have richly blessed me with him and I fully trust whatever You are going to do in our lives. Father, near or far, help me to be his helpmeet. Help me to create a haven for him here. Give us all courage and wisdom in this, to continually put You first in all of this. In Christ's name I pray this! Amen!!